Posted by Rachel in , , , ,

Wow. Life's been pretty crazy lately... and as a result, I have a lot of stuff running through my mind. To be completely honest, I don't even want to give myself time to think about it all because I know I'll get overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, disappointed, confused, [insert tough emotion here], etc. I have been feeling very heavy... burdened... like I am in the desert.

Therefore, I've been CONSTANTLY listening to The Desert Song by Hillsong (and I did just see Hillsong United perform this live 3 weeks ago - that was phenomenal).

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

Now, maybe I'm the only one, but my first inclination when I'm in the desert, when I don't hear the Lord speaking as clearly as I'd like him to or when I am in the battle and triumph is "still on the way" (aka NOT here yet) is NOT to bring praise. That's the harsh dichotomy that I am living in right now, though. I know I should be praising simply because God is still the God who provides and therefore I do have a reason to worship. But sometimes what my head knows and what my heart feels are two totally different things that don't seem to add up. I know that the Lord is here in the midst of one of the stormiest times of life to date. But it is hard not to be swept away by all the waves that life is sending my way. It is hard to remember that he's still there when all I see in front of and behind me is hard and dry and void of what the world defines as joy.

And so, my focus this past week has been to thank God for all the crap. To PRAISE him for the situations that leave me scratching my head not knowing how to respond and feeling like I don't hear the Lord guiding me one way or the other right now. To PRAISE him for the harsh fires my sister is walking through that continually get worse. To PRAISE him for the life decisions that I'm facing with no direction to date. To PRAISE him for suffering. To PRAISE him for heaviness. Ultimately, the only reason I will be able to praise him through all of this is if I keep in perspective what the Lord tells me in Isaiah 55:8-9 (the Message):
"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.

God knows what he's doing.

God also keeps impressing on me this idea of a chess game. I suck at chess, so when I play, I am only thinking of the one move I am about to make. But, for really great chess players, they know and anticipate the the next multiple moves that they will make, and at times, may even be able to see how they can have me in checkmate LONG before we make it to that place. That's kinda how I see me and God right now. I'm sitting here playing this game called life only seeing one move at a time and having no idea of the end result. He's gently asking me over and over if I will just trust him to play for me and trust that he knows not just the next move, but the next 50 moves, the next 100 moves, etc... And he's got Satan in checkmate already.

God's pretty great at this thing called my life...and I'm not so great at it, so why do I not trust him to make my moves for me??

This entry was posted on Monday, June 15, 2009 at Monday, June 15, 2009 and is filed under , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


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