Wow. Life's been pretty crazy lately... and as a result, I have a lot of stuff running through my mind. To be completely honest, I don't even want to give myself time to think about it all because I know I'll get overwhelmed, frustrated, sad, disappointed, confused, [insert tough emotion here], etc. I have been feeling very heavy... burdened... like I am in the desert.
Therefore, I've been CONSTANTLY listening to The Desert Song by Hillsong (and I did just see Hillsong United perform this live 3 weeks ago - that was phenomenal).
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
Now, maybe I'm the only one, but my first inclination when I'm in the desert, when I don't hear the Lord speaking as clearly as I'd like him to or when I am in the battle and triumph is "still on the way" (aka NOT here yet) is NOT to bring praise. That's the harsh dichotomy that I am living in right now, though. I know I should be praising simply because God is still the God who provides and therefore I do have a reason to worship. But sometimes what my head knows and what my heart feels are two totally different things that don't seem to add up. I know that the Lord is here in the midst of one of the stormiest times of life to date. But it is hard not to be swept away by all the waves that life is sending my way. It is hard to remember that he's still there when all I see in front of and behind me is hard and dry and void of what the world defines as joy.
And so, my focus this past week has been to thank God for all the crap. To PRAISE him for the situations that leave me scratching my head not knowing how to respond and feeling like I don't hear the Lord guiding me one way or the other right now. To PRAISE him for the harsh fires my sister is walking through that continually get worse. To PRAISE him for the life decisions that I'm facing with no direction to date. To PRAISE him for suffering. To PRAISE him for heaviness. Ultimately, the only reason I will be able to praise him through all of this is if I keep in perspective what the Lord tells me in Isaiah 55:8-9 (the Message):
"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
God knows what he's doing.
God also keeps impressing on me this idea of a chess game. I suck at chess, so when I play, I am only thinking of the one move I am about to make. But, for really great chess players, they know and anticipate the the next multiple moves that they will make, and at times, may even be able to see how they can have me in checkmate LONG before we make it to that place. That's kinda how I see me and God right now. I'm sitting here playing this game called life only seeing one move at a time and having no idea of the end result. He's gently asking me over and over if I will just trust him to play for me and trust that he knows not just the next move, but the next 50 moves, the next 100 moves, etc... And he's got Satan in checkmate already.
God's pretty great at this thing called my life...and I'm not so great at it, so why do I not trust him to make my moves for me??
So, I typed this out a few days ago and saved it without publishing...oops.
Anyways, here it is. I've decided to share two songs that I've been listening to A LOT during my drives to work this week:
What a Day, by Greg Laswell
What a day to be alive
What a day to realize I'm not dead
What a day to save a dime
What a day to die trying
What a way to say good bye
What a wonderful life now
What a way to use your mind
What a day to say good night
"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
(My life)
What a day to give a d*mn
What a day for "Gone with the Wind"
And what a day to start again
What a day to give up dry gin
"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
"Bring on the evening hours," I cry
"Bring on the evidence of my life"
Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Let it go
Let it go from here, I don't know
Don't know
What a day to visit Seattle
What a day for San Francisco
What a day, holy Toldeo
What a day to get in the air and go
What a day to give up smoking
What a day to absorb
What a day to welcome a baby
And to begin breathing (To begin breathing)
Granted, everything in this song doesn't necessarily apply to me, but Greg Laswell is a musical genius in my opinion and this is a personal favorite of his, so far. Best line? "What a day to get in the air and go." Personally, I believe EVERY day is a good day to get in the air and go. But, whether I am going or staying right where I am, every day has the right to be greeted with the phrase, "What a day!" Every day has the chance to bring new opportunities and great joy, even when mixed with the pain and sorrow. It's all what we make of it, isn't it?
Another one:
The Good Things, by Jill Phillips
Every once in a while the world stops spinning enough
That I can take a step back and get the picture
I see the twists and the turns
I see the patterns they form
I see how perfect they are and I remember
All the good things
All the good things
All the good things
you’ve done for me
Though the feeling is real I know it’s fleeting to feel
One day I’ll forget you are here and start to wonder
In that season of doubt, You’ll still be showering me
With blessings I can’t see, that can’t be numbered
All the good things
All the good things
All the good things
You’ve done for me
Forgive me for my shortsighted look at this world
Where you keep proving that you know what you’re doing
If I could see like you do with your perspective view
The fires I’m walking through would look much different
I’d see those difficult days for who they made me become
And I would count them among
All the good things
All the good things
All the good things
You’ve done for me
Man, this is such a powerful song. Seriously could and should be my life anthem I think, because my perspective on those crappy situations of life is always totally wrong in the heat of the moment. And yet, my shortsightedness fails in light of God's eternal plan. Every time. "I’d see those difficult days for who they made me become, and I would count them among, all the good things..." That's my prayer for 2009.
I want to take a minute to plug an amazing Christmas album. Have you heard of the Behold the Lamb of God (the TRUE tall tale of the coming of Christ) album? It's a collaboration album performed by Andrew Peterson and others. Andrew Peterson wrote it to tell the story of Christ in a new way. A few friends and I went to see the corresponding tour on Saturday night and I was blown away. First off, the talent involved in this 2008 tour (Peterson, Bebo Norman, Jill Phillips, some Caedmon's Call guys, Gabe Scott, etc.) was crazy good. But, as my roommate Crystal and I were discussing later, this show really put the story of Christmas foremost in my mind and I saw it in a totally new light. I was in tears at times, just thinking about my Jesus...as a baby...and how the whole of Scripture that is really about telling his story. Church Sunday morning was also about this idea. As a result, I've been reflecting a lot on the Christmas story this season. More than usual. So anyway, here's a run-down of the album, and you can see what I mean about how it really does tell the WHOLE story:
(1) Gather 'Round, Ye Children, Come - starts off the story
(2) Passover Us - talks of the Israelites in captivity and the establishment of the Passover in the days of Pharoah, along with the need in those days for sacrifices. "...and only sacrifice atoned for the sins of the land, so you see the priest he placed upon the holy altar, the body of a spotless lamb...Lord, let your judgement pass over us..."
(3) So Long, Moses - this song talks of the journey from Moses, to Joshua, to Saul, to David, to the prophets, and of how the people were constantly looking for "...a king on a throne, full of power, with a sword in his fist...will there ever be, ever be a king like this..." And yet, Isaiah prophecied something far different about our King. "He'll bear no beauty or glory, rejected, despised, a man of such sorrow, we'll cover our eyes."
(4) Deliver Us - this one talks of the constant need for deliverance and how animal sacrifices just couldn't cut it. "Our sins they are more numerous than all the lambs we slay, these shackles they were made with our own hands, our toil is our atonement and our freedom yours to give, so Yahweh, break your silence if you can."
(5) O Come, O Come Emmanuel - the classic song we all know and love, in an AMAZING arrangement by Gabe Scott I believe. Perfectly placed here after a song about the need for deliverance and before the chronology of Jesus' birth. We need you, Jesus. O Come, O Come...
(6) Matthew's Begats - you absolutely must listen to this fun song. I am amazed that someone could put the geneology of Jesus (you know, those things we all avoid reading through in Scripture) into song form, and actually make it fun and exciting. I love that Rahab, a prostitute, and Ruth, a Moabitess, are listed here. God really can use anyone to bring about his purposes.
(7) It Came to Pass - "So it came to pass that Joseph was the noblest of men, with a woman on a donkey on their way to Bethlehem. And I wonder whether either was aware enough that day, to know the child would bring a Kingdom and the old would come to pass away." As a result of this song, I've lately been struck by how truly NOBLE Joseph was. He could have walked away...but he didn't. He stood by Mary's side, in the midst of what I'm sure proved to be a very stressful time.
(8) Labor of Love - this song kills me everytime. SO POWERFUL! "But the baby in her womb, He was the maker of the moon, He was the Author of the faith...that could make the mountains move..."
(9) The Holly and the Ivy - Best. Arrangment. Ever. Definitely deserved a standing O in concert...or at least looooots of applause.
(10) While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks - the classic song... and of course, a GREAT arrangment. "Hallelujah, Hallelujah Hallelujah, Christ is born!"
(11) Behold the Lamb of God - After Christ comes... we finally have that Lamb that we've always needed...the one who takes away our sins. "Son of god-Emmanuel, Son of man-we need you, behold the Lamb, the hope of man, behold the Lamb of God"
(12) The Theme Of My Song/Reprise - powerful ending
So, in short...go listen to this album. It might change your life...just sayin'
All of the sudden, I'm finding multiple worthy blog topics...after a few weeks of nothing.
Recently, I have expanded my music library by quite a bit. In my "Recently Added" playlist on the iPod:
- Five Times August - Brighter Side
- Augustana - Can't Love, Can't Hurt
- OneRepublic - Dreaming Out Loud
- Gavin DeGraw - Gavin DeGraw
- Death Cab - Narrow Stairs
- Jason Mraz - We Sing, We Dance, We Steal
- Warren Barfield - Worth Fighting For
Went to an Indelible Grace worship concert last night and it put me in the mood for good worship music. So, I began listening to lots of things (seriously, I was all over the place... Josh Bales, Hillsong United, Passion stuff, etc), but one of the songs I got stuck on was God of this City, as sung by Chris Tomlin. Chris Tomlin wasn't the first person to sing that song though - an Irish group by the name of Bluetree wrote it and originally sang it. The story behind the song is what makes it good to me, so here are links to two different versions of the background of this song:
Link 1
Link 2
Pretty powerful stuff.
I have been enjoying excellent shows and concerts lately, and there's more in the near future.
- Last Wednesday, saw the traveling Broadway production of Rent in Lakeland (for $20!)
- Last night, saw Honey, Honey open for Matt Nathanson and Lifehouse at Hard Rock Live. Went for Matt, and haven't listened to Lifehouse consistently since hmm... high school? But, I was "pleasantly surprised" (to quote my dear Emily) at the show they put on. I was not so pleasantly surprised at the 15 year olds making out all over the place. Seriously, all ages shows have GOT to go.
- This Saturday night is Between the Trees and Mae at HOB
- Next Friday, WICKED(!!) at the Bob Carr
- And then, at the end of May, I will be seeing Augustana
I think one thing I will be able to most consistently blog about is music and how it speaks to my soul. I am sitting here at work, in a very quiet office (lots of people are out!), so I have my iPod on, trying to drown out the silence (sounds crazy, I know), so I can actually accomplish some work. And for the record, Google Earth is working for me right now, creating some videos, but it makes my computer slow and I can't do much else while it works.
If you have never listened to Brooke Fraser, you should. She has solo albums, but also sings with Hillsong United at times. Her song writing is phenomenal. She's real in what she writes about and you can sense the emotion in her lyrics. Besides all of that, she has a great voice. Here's a taste of some of her lyrics. This is from a song off of her Albertine album entitled the C.S. Lewis song, so you already know it is going to be deep...and she does not disappoint.
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming"
